I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
