I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
