I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
