Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we made out on top of his cat.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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