I cannot find my penis.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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