friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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