the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
