My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
