When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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