he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
