I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
