in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
