I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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