i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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