yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
