She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
