fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You need Xanax blowdarts
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
