I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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