You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
