I want to have your abortion
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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