i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
