He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
