she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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