It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
