Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
