The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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