Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
