Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
