just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
