Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
