you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
