i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
