Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
