You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
