Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
