I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
