I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
