Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you had me at cake vodka
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
