I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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