Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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