There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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