butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
