I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
