Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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