wakey wakey hands off snakey
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
