i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
