Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
