i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
