btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
