Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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