Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
40s are totally the cure
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
