Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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